this one.

okay, so this is my 3rd post in a night. amazing right, considering that it usually takes 9 months to get 3 entries outta me.

ignore the last 2 posts. those are shallow. this is the meaty one.
i think i've warmed up.

i was just blog-surfing for the last 15 minutes. and believe me, this is the first time in A VERY LONG TIME i'm doing it. one blog led to another, and i realised, after changing a couple of hyperlinks that i've missed out on so much in others' lives. for that, i'm really regretful. :(

i can't fully explain it, but i used to find it kinda depressing to read others' blogs. don't ask me why, it just felt that way. and no, its not cos you guys post depressing stuff (on the contrary in fact). i guess i just felt ashamed that i couldn't keep up with everyone else, and i wanted to escape the feeling that i felt like i had to keep up. you know, as the saying goes: out of sight, out of mind.

also, i find it hard to express myself properly/lucidly on a blog. i find i have a somewhat (unhealthy) instinctive need to make all my entries word-phrase-expression-perfect. too lucid perhaps. bleah. you might think this is attributable to my work, some kinda job hazard. i think its just the way i am--that's why my work is instinctive to me. but i've made up my mind. off with the perfectionism. i'm just gonna say it as it comes.

i need to work at this. not cos it's the be-all and end-all of virtual reality (heck, there're tonnes more important things to do than blogging) but cos it reflects something much deeper within me that i know i need to work at -- people, relationships, vulnerability, candor.

and so i end this post with a big sigh.
yes, literally. i just sighed.