emily-ish exposure

Life moments...
from the unsuccessful blogger.

Saturday, February 13

of blogs and thoughts

i was just 'springcleaning' this blog and noticed that most of my linked friends who kept blogs no longer do so. what's left are those who made their last entries a year or less ago. yes, a year. i'm hopeful. if i can resurface after 9 months of silence, anyone else can too. (:

it's no wonder though, why people stop blogging. it takes considerable effort. for me, at least it does --- measuring the weight of each word, and questioning continually if what i write actually makes for good reading. i have often typed an entry, only to save it as a draft (and never revisit it) because i wasn't satisfied with it. not a bad thing, perhaps. some things are just better left...unsaid.

to me, blogging is an exercise in self-reflection and often, self-censorship. it forces me to think about what has happened in my life lately, what thoughts and emotions i've carried with me and why i want (or do not want) to share some of those things online. on many occasions in the past, i had wanted to blog, but decided against it after moments of mulling --- too much to say? too little to say? too stupid to say? too bo-liao to say? too complicated to say? too private to say? too tired to say... So, nothing to say.

i suspect my introspection gets the better of me.
or perhaps, it's just my self-consciousness.

i think i've a very heightened sense of self-consciousness. which is why i don't like to post unless i'm convinced my posts are actually meaningful and well... well-crafted. it's gotta look 'perfect' so people think the best of me! there, i've said it.

and i wonder now where this blogging exercise has taken me... :] well, my current conclusion is this: i gotta let myself go a little, breathe a little easier, and just enjoy the blogging act itself. if it allows people, such as you, to get a glimpse into who i really am, it may be well worth it.

so, if i may try to put this a little more poetically...

every post is a journey.
every word will take me from one thought to the next.
i would have travelled, and hopefully, glimpsed a clear-enough path into the road ahead.


1 Comments:

Anonymous sister said...

it's great to see your posts again. your posts are generally thoughtful and i like reading them. (:

sister

11:11 AM  

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