emily-ish exposure

Life moments...
from the unsuccessful blogger.

Wednesday, November 5

pursued by grace

am back for an update (:

didn't want to put this off any longer cos i'm sure if i did, i'd never get down to it. ironically, i don't actually terribly enjoy blogging. (hmm, as is obvious from how often i blog.) well, at least not in the way i'd enjoy eating or baking. yet i deem it a periodic necessity. for me, its one way of recalling His goodness in my life, and i'm unashamedly assuming that sharing all that will encourage someone somehow. so here i go...

***

the past 3 weeks have been rather intense at work. given a choice, i wouldn't want to start by talking about work, but... here's where most of the action has taken place. i shall refrain from being too explicit, lest i infringe on work confidentiality. but, suffice to say, it's been a ride i would care not to take again if i possibly can avoid it.

the short story goes something like this: i majorly screwed up on something i ought to have acted on a rather long time ago. i didn't. that, coupled with other developments totally out of my control, spiralled into something much bigger than i'd ever have imagined. i was very very scared. stupid as it may sound, it felt like being back in school, knowing that you haven't completed your homework and yet not having a valid reason for it. the only thing is, i'm not in school.

i could only pray, and steel myself to face the music. to my utter surprise, the responses from superiors were far from what i'd expected. there was neither outburst of anger nor tongue-lashing, only firm yet kind words of correction. this was shocking, considering that the consequences of my inaction wouldn't affect just me, but many others as well. apart from other things, many man hours of labour were exacted from fellow colleagues kind enough to help.

many logistical arrangements also had to be made to correct the matter. i would have been utterly clueless (as this involved cross-departmental communication) if not for a most gracious and understanding colleague who took it upon herself to ensure that things were in place.

the whole situation was compounded with other impending deadlines i was trying to meet. yet, somehow, the quiet assurance of His presence came at every turn of the road. God had long foreseen my boo-boo, yet He didn't leave me in the mud. every prayer i made in utter desperation was answered---right down to the smallest logistical detail. fear gave way to peace and joy, despite the circumstances. i still regret my mistake, it could have been avoided. yet, God knew and He chose to redeem the situation for His name's sake.

i've been deeply humbled by God's grace, as well as the grace of those who've sacrificially given their time and effort. it's a bitter-sweet reminder of the deep chasm of my fallibility and self-centredness contrasted to the depth of His unfailing kindness and pursuing grace. it's been an awe-ful ride... (:

***

on the lighter side of things...
oven therapy has proven to be very effective on me, especially in recent days. my oven's name is Healsio and she's red in colour. she's a water oven, which means she has the steamy function of cooking through water yet browning like a normal oven does. it's really cool. or hot.

i really enjoy baking and been looking into trying different treats (but so far, not all the end products have tasted like treats). because i'm somewhat of a baby in this baking journey, i've decided to start with 'safe' dummy-proof recipes before venturing into the great unknown. and to me, there is a lot of unknown. i've learnt that well, after adulterating a couple of recipes ('adulterate' means to take from here & there, hoping that the 'general' idea will evolve into a successful cookie/muffin) only to get alien muffins that look like holey kueh but taste nothing like it.

but thanks be to martha, who is now my best friend in baking. i'm even a member of her pretty website filled with a gazillion yummy recipes.

to date, my successful start-from-scratch attempts in the oven include:
* orange yoghurt cake
* chocolate-chip & nut & oatmeal cookies
* chunky apple muffin
* spiced carrot cake
* apple yoghurt cake

soon, i'll like to try an assortment of breads, more muffins (want to do savoury ones) and an oven-baked cheesecake. God is so good. a good friend of my parents has just handed down his breadmaker to us! he's even gonna come over to teach my mom how to use the breadmaker. i'm truly looking forward to baking my own bread.

will hopefully post on some life-lessons i'm learning through baking soon... (: