sin is...

there was much to glean from the sermons in the past two weeks. bravely bringing on the topic of sexual purity, pastor kenny shared an insightful quote on the definition of sin.

here's what Susanna Wesley (John Wesley's mother) had to say about what sin is:

Whatever weakens your reason,

impairs the tenderness of your conscience,

obscures your sense of God,

or takes away the relish of spiritual things;

in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind,

that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself.

a mighty downpour.

this rainy morning bids me to reflect on none other than His majesty, the source of everything.


God's voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding.

He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,'
and to the rain shower, 'Be a mighty downpour.'

So that all men he has made may know his work,
he stops every man from his labor.

Job 37:5-7


*she stops. and smiles.



Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rian,
and a path for the thunderstorm,

to water a land where no man lives,
a desert with no one in it,

to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?

Does the rain have a father?
Who fathers the drops of dew?

Job 38: 25-28


rain inspires hope and brings life.
it points to greatness, a glory we cannot yet fully fathom.


* let her spring forth, live life.
let the raindrops fall on her, her bare feet.
let her dance unashamed, her spirit soar free.

so good.

it's mid-week (:
and i thought to slow down and think about all the things, both big and small, i could thank God for from the past week or so.

* God's answered prayer on a pertinent ministry concern.
i still feel a certain uncertainty...but i did pray and ask for Him to show the way. after some talk, prayer and waiting, i'm thankful for His provision...and praying He'll continue to show me how, and eventually, when. lead us, dear Lord.

* mel & dotz getting married.
it was quite a highlight for me, partially cos this has been a long-awaited event and partially cos i got to dress up! :p i know..sounds so trivial. but there've been few occasions in the past 3 months that gave me good reason to wear my dresses! it was quite amusing when frankie asked me whether it was tiring/stressful to have to put make-up on for 2 days. (hmm...did i look vexed during the wedding?) on the contrary, it's actually quite fun (: though i still wouldn't choose to make it a daily affair. but frivolities aside, it was a good time catching up with people. i had a few interesting unexpected chats with different people who have decidedly taken a keen interest in my future 'state of affairs'. their concern and prayers for me is most encouraging.

* evangelin's homemade sandwich.
it was a really yummy treat. she popped into work monday morning and offered me a hearty homemade ham sandwich on wholesome ciabata bread. it was incredibly sweet of her. (:

* monday's meeting at MOE.
it ended early *smiles* for some inexplicable reason, all 5 reviewers could not make it, which meant there was less talking. also, the submitted material had few problems and MOE was generally satisfied. hallelujah! (: and i got to go home early. ;p

* Abba's timely reminder on honouring my parents.
a (difficult) lesson i'm learning and re-learning. with the help of the love singapore 40-day guide online, tuesday's lunch hour provided me time to reflect on the many ways i've faltered in this area. it is really a humbling process, but a necessary one. God would not have left me the way i was simply because this is so important to Him. reminded that my feelings are not the determinant of how well i can honour my parents--it is a deliberate obedience, and one that is not conditioned upon my own sentiments or even that of my parents toward me. oh Lord, help me to honour papa and mommy, in thought, in speech and in deed. perhaps in that process, i may then begin to love honouring them.

* tuesday's dinner with limmy.
been awhile since we met, but i'm truly thankful for the chance to catch up and to share about our lives over absolutely divine northern indian cuisine. and very reasonably-priced. if anyone reading is interested in my new-found munch-munch, make a date with me. i'll bring you there (:

* today's teochew-mui lunch.
the warm bowl of porridge and assortment of palatable dishes gelled very well with the drizzly weather. and all this was my director's treat, not to forget a most refreshing starfruit-orange juice and freshly-fried goreng pisang. (the goreng pisang was a monster of a fritter. very scary. but very delicious.)

* the cheese-mousse cake waiting for me in the fridge which mom bought after dinner.
and we've re-stocked our baking supplies. i'm looking forward to baking the walnut brownies with our red-hot water oven (;


it's only mid-week. and so much to thank God for.
He reaches into the big and the small, the important and the trivial.
truly, His goodness and mercies never end.


God is so good.

did you know?

trivial i'll like to share:

did you know that we only wear about 20% of our clothes 80% of the time?

the above little statistical snippet, i learnt from an organisational behaviour expert (didn't know such designations existed. guess you could be expert on anything) on oprah primetime. if you are wondering...i was channel-surfing.

the topic of the day: de-cluttering. sounds like an episode i shouldn't miss (c.f. entry 'randomness: mess').

i did catch part of the show (i love watching the before-&-after segments!) and some of the things discussed resonated within. worth pondering over. the clutter on the table, under the bed, on the shelf and wherever else could hypothetically reflect clutter that's much deeper within. also, physical clutter robs one of precious space, time and eventually, energy. in short, i think it can actually deprive one (or a family) of a fulfilling and enriching life, and somewhat reduces the quality of life. imagine the physical and emotional drain of having to manoeuver through piles of anything and everything every single day. okay, this may sound a bit over the board, but the show was featuring a family that was literally walking on anything and everything. the baby didn't have space to crawl!

living clutter-free is, in fact, a discipline and one i'm striving to develop well. for starters, i've started a recycling pile to which i'll channel all loose and unwanted pieces of paper. then, its off to the recyling bin.

next up, wardrobe release. i've already got the boxes to pack them clothes in. mommy's voice did ring a little when i told her what i wanted the boxes for. (:

thank You.

i feel a certain simple joy to be able to sit here, right now, in the cool of my room after a nice shower.
thank You (:

the week, though it hasn't quite come to an end yet, has been a somewhat eventful one. eventful in the sense of bordering on semi-dramatic (at least for me), but one that has borne precious lessons for me. lessons in grace, in love, in faith.

sometime mid-week, i was feeling very overwhelmed with the preparations for this weekend's worship service and contemplating the prospects of a very 'difficult' band situation arising from absent musicians, very last-minute drop-outs and difficult songs. and every band (or any sort of team) brings with it the inevitable 'work' of relating to people, which can be emotionally-draining. i found my frustrated self face to face with a giant i wasn't ready to fight. all the joy was taken out of the service, and with it i'd also thrown out love and trust.

but (as always and thankfully)
God wasn't ready to leave me that way. in fact, it seems He often brings me to the 'end' of the road just so i can recognise His sovereignty and grace. my Father is not saddistic; He just has a very difficult child (:

through the perceived impossibilities, He showed me He is in control.
by friday i'd become numbed to the bombshells dropped on me (resignation or divine inner calm?) and was wondering if i was under seige by the fiery arrows. in my resigned Oh-Lord-don't-know-how-liao-it's-Yours-take-it-please state, the stark reminder came. if God is for us, who can be against us? He wasn't just 'in control', He was for us.

He is for us.
forever for us.

i'd been looking with human eyes and perceiving with human wisdom. foolish me. had i forgotten Whom i am serving?

hence, my big lesson in faith and trust.


and i thank God for providing.
* a band of faithful people dedicated to Him and His glory
* a productive time of practice--with it had come understanding, patience and laughter.
* jie--passionate and skilful guitarist, plus faithful friend and brother. thank you, jie, for your gracious 'yes' even though we didn't understand why at first! for sticking it through with us and giving your all. it means a lot to me. (:
* precious individuals (mel, justin, a. annabel) who listened to me rant along the way, who prayed for me and who affirmed me. i thank God for each of you.
* help from frankie, to 'take care' of my cg while i was away at practice.
* cg members who give me their understanding and who have been so incredibly patient. thank you, each of you. it really really means so much to me.

i say this in gratefulness and awe of a God who can do much more than i can ever ask or imagine.


Thank You, Abba. Thank You.

(:

i might be crazy to not be sleeping at this hour.
but i'm waiting for my hair to dry, again.

i'm so sleeeeepy.

but, i thought i'll do a quick one here. (:


thank God (: my colleague and i managed to finish collating most of what we need to send off next monday for another submission. this is truly a blessing in itself, as we're usually working till the wee hours the night before submission. i guess not wanting to be back at the office over the weekend serves as tremendous incentive to quickly be done with it.

and thank God most of it is.


besides this, two other blog-worthy incidents.

* while making copies of the proofs just now (yes, its the head-to-head, head-to-toe thing. but we nailed it this time. we got smarter. *grin*), we mysteriously misplaced the first five sheets of a proof. i checked all plausible places, and it has still not turned up. its very baffling! but i'm not panicking. (:

* the irony of my dinner. i'd suggested ordering macs in for dinner since quite a number of us were staying late. so i got the orders and happily made the call. the food arrived swiftly, to our great delight. that delight soon turned into horror as i realised i'd absent-mindedly left out one colleague's order. it had to be the most difficult decision of the day, but i gave up my chicken foldover. i was disappointed and felt extremely silly, but the greatest part of it was knowing how God was really listening.

i don't know what to eat! all so fattening. i'd lamented, while trying to make a decision. my colleague and i then concluded that the foldover was perhaps the 'safest' of the lot, with its vege and supposedly grilled chicken. so i opted for that, and got corn-cup and apple dippers for a dollar each.

but as you know, the foldover never reached my lips.

God knows how i really would've felt if i'd taken that foldover. i would have felt like i shouldn't have taken it, considering my ongoing attempt at watching the food that goes in. (please don't say i'm paranoid and that i'm not fat. i see fat in more places than you can. seriously. the cubicle offers little work-out.)


isn't He so witty and so truly close? (:



* she cannot help but laugh.


goodnight world.

i need Thee.

i need Thee every hour
most gracious Lord
no tender voice like Thine
can peace afford

i need Thee
oh i need Thee
every hour i need Thee
oh bless me now my Saviour
i come to Thee


the song in my heart as i end this day.

the day's events have been a sober reminder that i need Him. really. truly.
not just every hour, but every minute, every second, every living breathing moment.

the frustration of unmet expectations, clashes of temperament and working style, big last-minute unwelcome surprises and perhaps, somewhere in the roots, the fear of disappointing, losing, crumbling, failing. all the 'big' things that need to be brought before a way bigger God.

in times of bleahness (for lack of a better, all-encompassing word), there is but one thing to do. to look to Him, place it all before Him and tell Him honestly that 'i can't but i want to'.

i can't carry on.
i can't do this anymore.
i can't see the meaning and purpose.
i can't understand.

but...
i want to do Your will.
i want to obey You.
i want to be the person You call me to be.
i want to be refined through this.


the feelings of happiness or relief do not always pour in immediately after. there are still thoughts and feelings aplenty to contend with. but, somewhere in the process of laying down, and simply desiring the better and just getting going, He does His work of patching, chiselling and restoring.

and He's still patching.
still chiselling.
still restoring.


truly, i need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord.